I paid $30 for a Psychic Artist to Draw My Soulmate
Back at the beginning of the pandemic, the quarantine had me stir crazy. I mean, climbing the walls of my 425 square foot studio apartment in Washington, DC.
Picture it: me, the dog, and 5 unfinished macrame projects strewn about. I actually did finish one of them which I sent a few weeks later to my cousin in Minnesota for her soon-to-be-first-bornβs nursery.
I went from taking 7 core power yoga βsculptβ classes a week to zero yoga sculpt classes per week - overnight. It was hell. The quarantine was a lonely type of indefinite detention. And thank God I had Lilly the rescue dog because it forced me outside 4 times a day if only to take her for potty breaks.
That is the expression even dogs make when they are just plain old tired of seeing the same person all day every day!
Well, somehow I ended up on Etsy. Probably to browse vintage macrame patterns and retro cookbooks. Oh wait β NO. It was to buy cloth face masks. So then I received a 50% off coupon code toward a future order and what do I see?
I find the Psychic Artist hocking this ware:
And thatβs not the only thing he offers: thereβs draw my future child, draw my soulmate, draw my guardian angel - the whole 9 yards! All you have to do is provide your full name and date of birth. (Lol.)
I figure for 33 bucks (remember my half off pandemic special discount), thatβs a steal. Nay, the inverse of a buy! I had saved that much on the first 2 days of the lockdown on unpurchased dog walker services alone (poor Rover - I havenβt used the app in over a year; prior to the pandemic, I would pay anywhere between $10 and $17 A DAY on dog walkers to take Lilly on a 30 minute midday walk). And I was doubly convinced after reading the multiple 5 star reviews on Etsy where some customers posted pics of their drawing next to (or next to a photo of) their since-discovered romantic partner, and the resemblance was uncanny. Remarkable in many instances. I had planned to link to the Etsy shop I purchased from and Iβm truly sorry to say that itβs closed.
So β¦ what response did I get?
11 months later was March of 2021 β¦ (no sign of him as of yet 26 months later) and I take profound issue with Psychic Artistβs admonition to keep the drawing secret! What??! Hell no, I want to load it into facial recognition software and see who comes up! And send him a postcard that says, HEY ARE YOU SINGLE? Do you like dogs? (Etc. I might scrawl a few more things.)
We should all of us be consulting remote soulmate viewers and then start posting Wanted signs around town! Missing person alert! Have you seen me???
I think we have the inklings of a very interesting matchmaking website! What if we could add the personβs βartist renderingβ as a pop-up on our twitter profile? It takes a village to locate missing people - sometimes a world. We could all be on the lookout for each other and each other's other half! I love it.
It has definitely occurred to me that my soulmate could be deceased. People do die, after all. So then I think to myself, be careful what you wish for, Sarah Louise, you might use the facial recognition software and up pops his obituary. But then I reply back to myself, well good, then I would know Iβve been trying to find an actual ghost and could finally stop looking.
Now I canβt say the drawing looks like anyone in particular but itβs definitely a very handsome guy. If you would like to see the sketch composite for yourself, please consider becoming a patron on Patreon where you can support my work for just $2 per month. (Or more, if you desire.)
I enjoy occasionally creating patron-only content for my awesome patrons β some of whom have been donating since 2018! I also want to say that your TIME is incredibly valuable and it means so much to me that you would spend some of your βminute chipsβ at my table.
To see the face (of my one true β possibly late β soulmate??), click here to support me on patreon, and you will immediately have access to all patron-only content after signing up at your chosen tier.